Pizza Bandits

Page 02 of Book 1 of Naked Man Comics.
The pizza bandits strike!

Totally Naked Commentary

This is a complicated page. The two people I was digging into were a couple named Cat and Sean. They were not nice people at all. But just because they were not nice people, and they wrote terrible things about me did not give me the excuse to joke about Cat’s weight issue. This is where I failed and wrote some unkind stuff in comic form.

Cat has Colitis. She was often in the hospital for this. It was terrible.

One time I took Sean out while Cat was in the hospital. All he did was complain about the medical issues. I did my best to empathize. My own wife, at the time, was also in and out of the hospital. It is tough. There is a little bitterness because it seems like the medical issues will never end. There is a feeling of hopelessness. Still, Sean was really mad.

When I retired, Sean and Cat were spending time together with my ex. Because of the garbage my ex put me through (like having people pretend to me my friend or ripping me a new on podcasts) I was distrustful of anyone close to her. Sean and Cat took it as an insult and that I had to answer to me about my activities.

So, I did what anyone would do, I told them where to go and how fast to get there.

I tried to do street work again as a civilian. Sean took every opportunity to belittle me with his blogs. He ripped apart my site because of spelling errors I made. Sean even photoshop my face on Osama Bin Laden’s body.

The last straw was a news article featuring Cat and Sean, A.K.A. Lunar Veil and Dark Wolf. I read the article. A reporter followed Dark Wolf on a patrol. Everything DW did was an imitation of a colleague of mine, Antiman. Down to getting the mug shot newspaper, the routes to patrol, the homeless den under McLoughlin Blvd in Portland. In the article, LV talked about taking down a puppy mill in Beaverton (which was impossible for her being bed ridden all the time). It was a total piece of fiction.

I was frustrated. Here are some fake people talking garbage about me as well as lying to the media of who they were and what they did. I decided to vent about them via my comic.

 I decided to write Sean as Shawn the Pizza Bandit. In the article they were in, there was this picture of Lunar Veil cleaning a gun while Dark Wolf ate a pizza. I thought that was hilarious. What was not funny and still not funny was dragging Cat’s colitis into my story. I knew Dark Wolf cheated on Lunar Veil few times. He bought some Real Life Supervillain woman a penguin. Another time Cat emailed me about hacking into Sean’s computer and downloading porn to it.

Sean treated Cat horribly. That is what I wanted to say. The joke was that Shawn the Pizza Bandit purposely starving Catherine the Walf because he only likes skinny women. Shawn treats his partner like garbage and gaslights her.

Had I been a better writer at the time I would have gotten the point across. I hurt Cat and that was wrong. Granted, at the time I was still pretty heated about the harassment these two were throwing at me. But harassment is not an excuse to behave like them. I would have liked to be better, but I was not.

I will not be revising some of the dialogue because it is an opportunity to finally this off my chest. To normal people outside of the Real Life Superhero community, the character dynamic is innocuous. But to Cat, this joke hurt her. I was wrong to do it and  I am sorry. I reacted as a child to people acting like children.


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Mild Mannered Billionaire Mail person for Rose City Museum of Art.